I am preaching in a village somewhere in northern Africa. I think I might actually be here. It doesn’t feel like a dream because I can physically feel the people as I lay hands upon them.
A mother brings in a dead baby. The smell of decay, the flies, the rigid body. I take the child into my arms and feel her body warm up as the power of the Holy Spirit fills her little body. Worms push up out of her skin and fall to the ground and she awakens with a healthy scream.
The village erupts into praise and I am in the air above another village where the wails of mourning mothers reach my ears.
Desolation falls upon me. A heaviness so intense that I crave death.
I beg God to let me die but I must tarry upon this accursed rock with this selfish species for many years yet.
The voice that speaks from behind me is filled with love and compassion.
Friendly man:
“What do you want Courier?”
Me:
“That child is either going to die of some easily curable disease or grow up in poverty at the mercy of unscrupulous men. I brought her back into hell. For what? So that I could show off power?”
Friendly man:
“This world must change Courier, my body must change. My words have become nothing to so many of them. Did I not say that the road is narrow?”
Me:
“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew chapter seven and verse fourteen.”
Friendly man:
“I am your portion Courier, do not let your heart be troubled by the cares of this world.”
I begin to weep. My tears are not tears of sadness, they are tears of anger and frustration. I work with all my might to keep my composure in the presence of the king of kings but it bursts out of me like a river. My soul mourns and travails as the pain of a Billion hopeless people channels though me.
My hatred for people who do nothing pulls my face into a mask of fury. My frustration with those who know their blueprints but run from it in cowardice while thousands could have been saved thunders in my chest.
I crave death as if I were dying of thirst and death was water.
I want nothing to do with this foul species.
I
Want
to
die.
The friendly man stands quietly by as the raging storm is finally replaced with quiet desolation.
Now a man in a suit appears on my left and speaks.
Man in suit:
“Son of God! Why do those who wish to do your will have nothing? Why are they thrown to the wolves like this? What use are miracles if the sick are thrown back into the cesspools of poverty that made them sick in the first place.
This courier burns with hatred for these miracle spewing charlatans who profit from their display of power and leave these places as poor as they found them.
His soul is damned because he has contempt for humanity.
Let him lock the gate to this land so that he need not speak to another person. Though he teach until his throat hurts, they still bicker among each other like animals. Though he lives with nothing, they still judge him as if he has some kind of hidden motive.
To hell with them.
Even those who feed the poor are racists and bullies.
Look at your courier son of God!
He longs to die in his sleep and see neither heaven nor hell.
Everything inside of him desires to take my offer and feed the poor himself.
He is upon this land as instructed and still he does not see the Father’s provision. He sees men and women giving of their blood to build what is here.
He can no longer stand by and do nothing. How could you possibly expect that of him?”
The man in the suit now turns to me:
“Did I not tell you that the Father cares nothing for this earth or his children? Your soul is damned anyway Courier. Your hatred for the body of Christ will only grow if you stay on that land. Soon not even I will have use for you.
Believers are useless. You could levitate in the air above your prayer rock and they would still turn a deaf ear to you. If they did not listen to the son of God himself, why would they listen to you?
You should toss the keys to someone else and leave the land before you lose your mind.
Can you not see how those who once called you friend now distance themselves from you?
Can you not see how they hate being told what to do? They hate the word. From your lips or from the lips of the son of God himself, they hate being told what to do.
Even if there was no God or word to test your dreams against, do you know what kind of person would have a problem with your dreams? A selfish, arrogant, self-obsessed person.
Leave these dreams, nobody reads them. You type and record faithfully but nobody truly reads them.
Come with me, it is too late for your soul Courier, but you can yet accomplish great things upon this earth!”
I don’t know what to say.
I just keep quiet and look at the friendly man.
I am so tired. Everyone around me is fighting so many battles in health, relationships and finance. I pray for them with all my heart each day. I have prayed all day every day for ten months upon this land and I see no progress in people’s finances, relationships or health. A year will soon have passed and it is starting to look like I will have to pay for this land myself. The wives of those who wish to build this vision look at me with contempt and suspicion. Husbands pull wives away so that not enough women are here to pray each night so that I may enter the tent.
I see the hope die in the eyes of my own family every time they come here.
The man in the suit is right, I am starting to lose faith in the body of Christ.
Me:
“Lord. I can’t do this anymore.
And I certainly don’t want anything to do with suit guy over here.
Please, find another Courier and let me sleep.”
The friendly man just smiles and looks at me with more love than I can explain in this limited language of ours.
Friendly man:
“No.”
Me:
“Ok.”
I wake up.
I fall asleep again and I am on the rock upon the land beneath Michael’s calf.
My faith is at full power again, I have no doubt that this vision shall come to pass.
I am grateful for all the hard work that believers are putting into the vision and excited about what God is doing in the lives of my friends and family. I hate no-one, I love everyone. I am patient for people to see the truth and willing to work hard to win them over to the kingdom.
The spirit of Might and Breakthrough stand next to me and Might ruffles my hair.
Me:
“What the heck just happened? How did I get so negative?”
Might:
“That is what the world looks like to most who are not upon this land Abdiel. You were physically in that village tonight. If the Son was not present, you would have surrendered your joy to the great liar.
Being off this land, your soul was the same as it once was. Hopeless and suicidal.
When people leave this land, they have to contend with the spirit of heaviness. You have wiped every trace of the spirit of heaviness from this land so you have forgotten what you used to feel like.
Now that you know the difference between the power of land that has been prayed over and the world out there, do you understand why community is so important?
The world out there has a lens of pessimism and a total lack of faith in what God can do.”
Me:
“And here upon this land my faith is a complete surety. I believe without flinching that God will make this vision come to pass.
What can I do to help those who are out there under that heavy blanket?”
Might:
“Spread this territory Abdiel. Spread our influence and take ground. Take physical ground so that our authority upon it is absolute.
Have fun with the business model that Builder has given to you.
Pray for the expansion of your territory so that more and more believers may come and enjoy what you have.
Pray that believers will receive a revelation of the importance of spiritual territorial authority.
Pray that they will receive a revelation of spiritual legislative authority.
This is an important lesson Abdiel. Do not forget it!”
Me:
“Oh my word!
All of that negativity in front of the friendly man. I even asked Him to let me die!”
The spirit of Might laughs loudly and slaps me on the back.
Might:
“That was your soul talking, not your spirit. The Son cares nothing for circumstantial evidence. He looks right at the heart and you have nothing to fear in that department Abdiel.”
Me:
“That is truly what it is like for people out there?
I can’t believe that used to be me!
Sheesh.
Ok then, I’ll focus my prayers on buying this land and expanding this territory! Gonna build houses like a madman! Hahaha.”
I wake up.