I stand in front of sculptures of twelve ten foot high Angels: Six on each side of an entrance to a thickly wooded area surrounded by water.
The Angels stand in various poses of readiness, looking in different directions, watching the sky. Every sword contains the phrase ‘It is written’.
Behind me there are hundreds of people praying, many walking up and down along the edge of the wooded area. There are large sculptures of what looks like the tablets upon which the 10 commandments were written everywhere. But they do not contain the 10 commandments; they contain specific scriptures for specific areas of life. They stretch as far as the eye can see to the left and right. People stand reading the scriptures out loud, some very fervently, others very quietly.
I realize that all these people are waiting their turn to enter this place. Some have been waiting for months. I realize that I am one of them.
A few hours pass and finally a group of about 70 men, women and children come out of the entrance and my phone vibrates with a message.
“Thank you for your patience, your place in the que has advanced to the entry point. Please note that you have 20 minutes to book in to the prayer hostel or you will be moved back one place in the que every 20 minutes consecutively”.
I move past the sculptures of the Angels eagerly down a path (I think it might have been a footbridge or wooden path through the trees).
I am now standing in front of a very large but very basic wooden structure. It looks like a large lodge on wooden stilts. I follow the line of people who came down the path with me. In front of us is a wheel chair ramp and wide wooden stairs to the entrance. A sign reads ‘ No food in here please’.
We enter the door and an old man at a counter finds our names on his Ipad and ushers us through to the next door. Here there are bottles of water and rolled up sleeping bags from the floor to the (very high) thatch roof.
A sign says ‘Please help yourself.’ I grab a sleeping bag and a bottle of water and move through the next entrance.
This next area contains double bunks from one end to the other. There are hundreds of them flanked by separate bathrooms and showers for men and women. Everything is very basic. A lot of people are sitting or sleeping on the bunks. Some chat in hushed tones, many are reading the bible. I move through to the next section which is also a large, open section. A sign reads ‘Cellular signal suppression beyond this point’. This area is filled with bean bags and couches. People are praying, reading the bible, some even sleeping.
I head through this section and I am now outside under a shaded area surrounded by nature. The river is in front of me. I unroll my sleeping bag and open the bible on my phone. There is no signal for internet or phone calls but there are USB charging points for phones and tablets in all the stilts upon which the lodge stands. I laugh about this and continue to read.
The dream jumps to me sitting on one of the bunks. Next to me is a small toothbrush, toothpaste and shower gel as well as a towel. I realize that this was freely available in the bathroom when I decided to stay a night. I look down at my phone at a conversation I have had with my wife. “Staying another night, love you”. Her reply “Have fun my love”.
I realize that 22 days have passed. I have been here, fasting and praying effortlessly, not even noticing time as it passes.
Across from me, a very famous minister also finishes sending a message. I realize that he has grown a beard since he has been here and I grin at him. He scratches his beard and smiles back at me. “What did you dream last night?”
“Nothing that I know of. Just slept like a baby.” We both laugh about it and head outside together. He goes to the left, I go to the right.
The dream jumps again. I have been here for 28 days.
I am outside next to the river.
I sit for a while, just smiling, at peace. It took 15 days to still the sense of responsibility and guilt for not being busy.
“Lord”, I ask. “Why is it that people wait months to come into this specific place when we could just head up a hill and fast and pray ourselves?”
I hear someone speak beside me.
“I created you to work as a team. You are created in my image, with my heart, with my desire for companionship. You are well able to head up a hill or into a cave or into a desert by yourself but fellowship makes it so much easier does it not? See how sons pray with fathers here? See how disciples and mentors pray together here? You have set this place aside so that all who come to pray know that they are yoked safely and lovingly with other believers.”
I sit there, thinking about this for a while and another very well known minister sits down next to me. He has been here for 33 days already and has lost a lot of weight.
For a long time he doesn’t say anything and at first I feel uncomfortable at how close he sitting next to me. He looks very tired.
“Did you dream anything last night?”
“Yes sir” I reply, “I dreamed that you died in your sleep and that your ministry died with you. Your wife was pushed out of your church by the eldership and was forced to live with your children who refuse to serve God because of your hypocrisy as a leader. I dreamed that your leadership sighed in relief and secretly rejoiced at your funeral.”
He begins to weep beside me.
“How did I become this man? How did I become so arrogant? Do you know that I was offended that I had to wait in a que to come to this place? Do you know that I even entered this place angry at having to wait outside? I thought to prove a point and arrive an hour late but I was moved back in the que by an hour and twenty minutes. And now I am offended because I must go back to a church where my staff rightly hates me.”
I don’t know what to say, I just sit there. This guy outranks me so much in the kingdom that I feel like my words would be like bird seed to a Lion.
“What else did you dream?”
“I dreamed that you repented here but left this place and did not change. I dreamed that those who took over your church removed everything good or bad related to your ministry. I dreamed that they had a disagreement among themselves and split the church. I saw a building with thousands of seats but less than a hundred members.”
“Is there anything that can be done?”
“Yes, but I dreamed that you refused to do it. Hand your ministry to your youth pastor and walk away, no questions asked.”
He laughs. “He is 19 years old, unmarried and reckless!”
I shrug. “Yes sir.”
The minister gets up and walks away, unhappy with what he has heard. He turns around and looks at me angrily. “Who spoke to you? Was it that power hungry youth pastor? You lying manipulator! I’ll make sure that no church in my network has anything to do with you!”
I am overwhelmed with love for him and jump up, head over and embrace him. He begins to weep uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He says this for a while, steps back, places his hand on my shoulder and walks away.
Another elderly minister steps next to me and watches him go. “Are you ok?”
I suddenly realize that the previous minister had vented his frustration so loudly that everyone outside had heard it.
“Yes sir, just sad for him.”
We stand for a while and then the minister speaks. “Prolonged fasting strips away the ability for pretense. He will leave this place and regret making himself so emotionally vulnerable. It happened to me last time but by the grace of God I was able to repent and return here as a servant to the kingdom and no longer a slave to my own ambition. Sixty- five is a good age to get born again, again don’t you think?” We laugh together and he gives me a hug.
“Do not allow rejection to define you. Seek approval from no man. Serve the body and lead with confidence but seek only to hear ‘Well done my good and faithful servant’ from our Father. If you do not deal with these insecurities as a young man, they will still govern you as an old man. Do not be deceived or impressed by the success of large buildings and ministries. We are all just men serving God the best way we know and many times we are wrong in how we go about it”.
Another minister grabs me and hugs me. He is also in his sixties. “When I leave this place, I am going to hug my staff every day until they beg me not to!” He laughs at himself and smacks me on the back playfully. I can’t believe how relaxed and playful these spiritual Generals are in this serious place. The freedom is incredible. I find myself laughing with him at his silly joke.
Time jumps in the dream again. Many people have come and gone and this is my 40th day.
There is a constant stream of hundreds of people fasting and praying, many giving incredibly accurate prophetic words, many repenting for things that will change the world. The atmosphere makes it so easy to fast and pray. I want to stay but I know that it is time to leave.
I head past the doorman who asks me to book out so that the que can move up.
I wake up wishing I could go back there immediately.
As I type this, I am excited about what is to come and cannot wait for you to experience this with me!
Selah.